Surrender

Morning 9:30 AM, I was alone from my team, sitting and reading emails from past night and flagging them so that I can remember which one I have to work the same day and which ones are just reference emails. I saw one email from expert of a key functionality in response to a question that my team member asked. It was a lengthy email. He explained the issue in a very detailed manner. While reading it, I was telling myself, “I know this but what’s next” and finally at the bottom of the email he answered the question. I thought, “I know all these, if they would have asked me, I could have answered”. Then, the next email was from another person, who appreciated my analysis and agreed with my resolution. I was feeling great so far.

One of my team member entered office. After settling down, she pinged me through office communicator asking whether we can work on a case, which she is struggling since last couple of days. I agreed to it. My confidence was at its peak and I was thinking myself no lesser than any other expert in the team.

She came to my desk and I started understanding the problem. Then immediately gave a resolution keeping my ego and confidence intact. But intelligent team member asked a question, which made me go through the code, database and the problem description several times. I was clueless but my ego and confidence commanded me not to give up. Went through the code line by line but still could not find a resolution. It was almost 3 hours over. There is no clue on which direction I must think. But my ego and confidence both were still at it’s peak. I took my lunch break and promised to work on this issue after lunch.

During lunch, I thought a lot about this problem but no resolution. As soon as I went to office after lunch, I continued working on the case with her. Another 2 hours passed, I could not find the root cause as well as resolution. Then I virtually surrendered myself before the experts and decided to write one email to the expert explaining the issue and requesting for resolution. I agreed that, they are experts and I am still learning. I must not ever think that I have reached there. Then I started writing email in a detailed and organized manner. Explained the issue. Then thought, let me explain the root cause up to the point which, I have understood. Started writing it. While writing the email, I was referring code, database as well. Surprisingly I found the root case of the issue while writing the email. Which helped me getting the resolution for the problem as well. I was very happy for finding the resolution but bit confused. Why, I could not find the same before writing the email.

Similar incidences happened several times. When I thought about it, I understood that presence of ego and overconfidence before writing the email and absence of them  while writing the email was the cause of this issue.

I related this to the Draupadi Cheer haran. I have read and heard, while Dushsasan was pullling the saree of Draupadi, initially she was trying to hold it tightly with her own strength. But it was of no help. Dushsasan was still able to pull the saree and she was not able to protect. But, when Draupadi surrendered herself to lord, giving up her ego and raised her hands, that is when Lord Krishna came into rescue and the Saree never finished.

I understood the meaning of it with my own experience. As long as I think that I am the one and I know all, I find it difficult in complex situations. I give up, surrender to the master, I find a way. This does not mean we should surrender and drop our egos always, but when you have your master is around then certainly you must. Do not loose the confidence or stop putting efforts but always remember there is someone more capable than you. You will find resolution to any problem.

– Stray Dog