Tete-e-Tete with Past … VI (Friction in Relationship)

Ramesh’s complaints were never-ending. It is four years since he is married and he was missing from our friend circle since his marriage. It is since last couple of weeks he started again joining us college friends. He used to be one of the most caring and happy person in our group. He never cared for any trouble that came in our way. Because of his caring nature, we used to tell him that he will be a very good husband and his wife will never have any complaints. He is a very good cook too. He used to cook for all of us while we were staying together when we got the job in Bangalore. We had great bonding and he is gem of a person. But suddenly after marriage he became very busy settling his house and in romance. We hardly saw each other. We used to talk to each other via SMS then Orkut and now Facebook. But since last couple of weeks he suddenly started joining us in the evenings and weekends. We did not ask him anything but he started advising us not to marry and never trust girls etc. We did not entertain his complaints but I was bit worried because he used to be one of my those friends who always respected women and were very protective about them. I thought it will be good to take him to Dadu. Although I have talked to Dadu about relationships but I somehow thought he must have some effective way to help Ramesh.

I motivated Ramesh to get up early and go for jogging in Akota park. He somehow agreed after several weeks persuasion. I went to him home and gave him a missed call and he came out after 15 minutes. I knew he will take that long to come out so I have started early. Then he and his wife came out. His wife gave him a fresh pair of socks and a bottle of water while he was coming out of his home. While we were starting his wife told him to stop and ran inside to get one biscuit for him and told, “You should not go empty stomach from home early morning”. Finally we left. They both were saying ‘tata, bye and what not’ to each other almost till he left the society. It looked like as if I am experiencing the first day of a kid to school. More than that I was surprised because Ramesh was complaining so much about marriage but I could not see any trace of that at all. His wife is also very jolly and fun loving. I was confused to the core. Any how we went to the park. I asked him, “Hey, Sorry to ask this but I have right to ask, you complained about your wife that she just thinks about herself etc. and I saw entirely opposite this morning”. He just said, “You will not understand. She does care but sometimes she talks or act only with selfish motive”. I asked, “Who does not have selfish motive in life? You think you do everything only for her? Every human has to live his or her life as per her wish. As long as they care for others they can not be called selfish.”. I thought, I may talk nonsense once I get angry so I thought it is better to leave him near Dadu. 

Dadu just entered park and was sitting on his favorite bench, I went near him and introduced Ramesh to him. We both sat beside him and asked Dadu, “Why we have frictions in relationship? In friendship or marriage people fight despite love. Why can’t everybody try to understand each other”.  Dadu laughed and then went to thoughtful mode. He said, “Imagine the pain the stream of water takes when it falls from the cliff and the amount of pain the rock gets when water falls on it from such height. They both get pain but these pains do not go waste. It creates a beautiful waterfall. Both mountain and water stream get hurt but do you think they detach from each other? No! They still continue their love. You will mostly see water accumulated near the waterfall. That is the time when they hug each other because each of them have hurt the other. Mountain failed to give river the support so River fell down and River fell on Mountain hard so mountain is hurt. They build more love than what they had before falling from the cliff.”.

But Ramesh turned to complaint box immediately and said, “But Dadu, She does not understand me at all. Everyday night, she will have some or other complaints against me. I am spending most of my time in explaining her. I spend whole day working hard for my family and then I need some peace when at home. She never understands that I too have heart and it hurts me too. Why I have to always apologize and say sorry?” Ramesh complained. “Ohh! You did so much of favor by going to office and working hard while she was enjoying at home doing nothing but she did not bother to disturb your peace when you came back. So sad. You are very unlucky and she is bad. Leave her.”. Ramesh was shocked but I understood that Dadu is in sarcastic mode. Then Dadu continued, “She does all these because you do not know the amount of hard work she does at home. Because you do not know the pain of sitting at home and waiting. Because you are the only person in front of whom she can complain. Because you are her sandbag for her. Because you are so valuable in her life. Because she believes you will be there with her always. Your importance in her life is enormous. Have you ever missed her when she was not there with you? Can you live without her?

Friction exists when there is closeness. River complains that these rocks are blocking it’s way. Because of these rocks it has to change it’s direction. But river forgets that the beauty of river lies in its curves. River complains about the rocks but don’t you see the rock erodes everyday because of it. Frictions makes a relationship beautiful as long as both are willing to give something. Only thing you have to remember that you are here in any relationship to give not take. When you will calm down you and think, you will see that she has dedicated her life to you. You are complaining about couple of hours she spend or thought being selfish but you are ignoring the rest hours were spend only for you and your family. You must be thankful to her for your entire lifetime for what she has done to you till date.” and Dadu started his efforts to get up and go. He said, “If you claim to be a real man, be the rock solid support for your dearest river. Do not worry about the erosion? yours eroded particles are going along with her towards the ultimate destination called ocean. Take care of her till you do not exist otherwise if she changes her direction then there will be devastation. Good luck my dear friend”. Dadu walked slowly towards the park gate. Ramesh sat there thinking. I was observing both.

Ramesh again went missing from our friend circle. I hope he is truly investing in his relationship.

Namaste!!!

– Stray Dog