In these past 3 months of blogging, where I got the opportunity to write my thoughts with my limited language skills, has changed my life to a great extent. There has been growth and reverse growth simultaneously. The initial intention was to give a thought to my scattered or stray thoughts, has been fulfilled to some extent. Sometimes I feel as if I know it all and sometimes I think I know absolutely nothing. Looking back to the 84 blogs written so far, I feel happy for writing some of them. There are few which makes me feel, ‘How stupid I am?’. One thing is common in all, that is, I never tried to hide any of my stray thoughts. Sometimes kind words of appreciations have made me think I am the best, and can go far enough. But a second thought at a later point of time has brought me down where I can see things clearly. I got many new friends in this journey and lost many too. most of the blogs that I have written were a conversation between me and myself. So, when you expose yourself to you, there are most likely chances that you realize how good or bad you are.
I pushed many priorities of life down to keep my priority for this passion at number one position. I disappointed many because of my non-attentiveness towards them. I disappointed myself for not being able to handle many other priorities which are more important than documenting and sharing thoughts. I have disappointed many friends because they found me boring unlike their impression about me as a funny and fun-loving human being. At the same time, I have started some new interests. One of them is to study more, study every aspect of life, study books and study people’s mind more than ever before. I try to find stories in everything, like some reporters in TV channels do. I do not get bored anymore, at any moment of time, because of this but most definitely, I push others to boredom.
Will the above realizations help me anyways? May be. I am seriously thinking about getting more disciplined and genuine. I want to ensure, I will do one thing at one point of time. I want to give undivided attention to the people who matter, task that matters, situations that matters every moment. I will find time to pursue my passion by being more disciplined than by borrowing time from other priorities.
Writing the thought, constantly looking to see what are other’s reaction, commenting the reaction throughout the day is the culprit. I would like to limit this activity to a specific but dedicated time. Hope one day I will be able to achieve this and become a sensible human being.
– Stray Dog