” I don’t think I did enough. I had so many opportunities to do better but what I did is some idiotic actions. I was supposed to be showing compassion, love and care but I became selfish and expressed my emotions which were hurting and does not confirm to logic. I am constantly suffering. People around me are the ones who caused me suffer and spoiled the beautiful dreamland of mine. Things did not go as planned. I am suffering, I need help”, A distressed visitor to the camp kept on expressing his guilt of not being good.
“You thought you are perfect and you are proven wrong. You thought you will do only right things but you were proven wrong. You thought you were only good, nice, loving and caring but you were proven wrong.”, I said to the disturbed mind.
I found tears in his eyes. “I have hurt my parents that they can never forget. I blamed them for everything wrong that happened to me. I have hurt them. How could I?”, he continued crying. “My wife hates everybody from my family. I feel guilty of talking to anybody as if I am betraying my wife. She gives reason for her hatred and sometimes the reasons make sense to me. I sometimes starts hating them as well, she is the evil force behind all bad that is happening to me.”
“Okay, so your wife is the cause of all the problem. She did everything bad to you. She made you hate your parents and that caused you to be bad with your parents.”, I said to the crying individual.
“She is not bad. She did lot of good things for me and my parents. In twenty years of marriage, my life has taken lots of positive turn and she was party to it. She supported me when I needed her. She herself took care of my parents at times.”, He said after composing himself for a bit.
“Okay, So she was good sometimes but she should have been good every time. That was the expectation.”, I said to confirm.
“Actually It is a long story. It started somewhere many years back when my wife had said something to my mother out of anger and my mother had reacted to it badly. Then on everybody kept hurting each other and started taking revenge when anybody got any opportunity. Gradually her family and my family got involved as well. They patch up at times and once again start their acts or revenge.”, He said.
“I feel like being at loss because my family is being put down at many occasions and her family is getting special treatment. It’s because I am being nice to all but my wife is showing her anger, emotion openly. So It feels like her family is the privileged one.”, he continued.
“So it is a war like situation where you want to be the winner by making your family win. But on the contrary you have hurt your own parents. That’s like rather than hurting others you have hurt your own.”, I summarized.
There was silence. A thoughtful mind was trying to understand it’s problem. Peace was prevailing gradually in the disturbed mind. Sorrow and anger was gradually settling.
After a few minutes of silence I heard, “I need help”.
“What help do you need?”, I asked maintaining calm.
“I want to erase all bad deeds of past. I want peace for now and future. I want to be happy”, He was begging.
“Life is a war!! We have to be perfectly prepared. We have enemies in front of us who are our own. A single mistake is going to make us loser. Your friends and enemies changing their positions rapidly. You have to constantly evaluate and identify your enemy and act against them with your perfect weapon. You can’t get weak or make wrong shots. Ultimately when the war is over, you should be the winner. All your friends should be in the winning side and the enemies whom you killed can’t turn to become friends anymore. Isn’t it?”, I said with a smile.
“Which and whose war is this? War to win what? Whose loss will you enjoy? It’s a false war. It is called Maya.
If you have any friend, that’s you.
If you have any enemy, that’s you.
There is nobody else who is at war with you. Your mind is turning yourself against you when it’s not getting enough positive fuel. It turns yourself as your friend when it gets lots of positive fuel. You are hungry of love and compassion. Your engine is burning without fuel and creating negative emotions. Give it love”, I said.
“How can I when I do not have anybody to love me around. Everybody wants from me. They all are selfish.”, he said with anger.
“Love, compassion, positive fuel, starts with you. You have to give to get. If you are getting from anywhere without giving it then you are lucky or may be your have done some good deed in past. Otherwise it can only originate from you so that it can come back to you. Negative emotions might come to you on the way but it’s only matter of patience. You must tolerate it without absorbing.
Just focus on giving positive emotions.
It is a simple formula of 3G.
Give the needy. Needy is somebody who needs. Some need love, some need care, some need physical help, some need money and most need your time where you can listen to them.
Greet the passer-by. In this life make as many friends as you can make. Greet everybody who comes on your way of life. Sometimes some stay for few seconds and some stay for many years but greet them equally. Get excited about meeting people. Share joy or meeting them.
Gratitude is essential. When you meet people think to recall what good they have done for you. How small or big the good deed may be do recall them. Remember those good moments whenever you meet. Feel great that you could meet them who did help you at some point of life.
In this process if there is something that is going to block you is ‘Fear’. Fear in many forms make us angry, sad, crazy and that leads us to inaction or over reaction. May be what you did wrong was because of fear. You feared something and that suppressed your emotions for long and when you couldn’t hold it for long you busted out of anger. Now you repent the action but the damage is already done.
Now, Don’t try to use any trick or any revenge to cover the damage that is already done.
Love through 3G is your way to go, it will take time but it will help. What you need to avoid in this process is any fear which will cause accumulation of pain.
There is nobody who is perfect. Don’t take the burden to be great, perfect, powerful or complete. These are shadow of your journey. Sometimes you may look great, perfect, powerful or complete but that’s not real you. Truth is, you are an incomplete man with all emotions that a human can possibly have. Don’t look back to the dark, create brightness for your onward journey. Life is as beautiful as you make it. Every moment is your slave. You create the moment. Moments do not create you. Life is what you create not what others create for you. Live your life.