Happy Married Life!!!???

“Happy Married life!!! I mean, You were happy till now and now on you are married. Because Happiness is not the only thing in life”, Suraj said to his newly married friend when he went to attend his marriage reception. Then they both started laughing at this statement as this is common for men to blame marriage as end of their happiness which is directly linked to freedom which is again directly linked to happiness. There is also one saying in India which means, “Marriage is like a sweet. If you eat you will repent and if you don’t eat then you will repent too.”. There are so many jokes, stories and real life incidences floating in air about marriage and none of them are absolutely wrong. So, I thought, why not dissect it little more to understand this better.

Two different human beings of different upbringing and way of living come together to stay together as if they were never different.

One of them is an overestimated race, which looks like and thinks that it is the stronger but the truth is the opposite. The other is truly strong but the never perceived the same by the other race. Here the strength is not about physical strength because if that would have been the case the Olympics gold medalist in wrestling would have become the president of the country. Here the strength is about how long you can hold your front with a particular belief without getting affected by the environmental conditions. Here the weaker race a.k.a. men lose the front because they take the battle mathematically for a long time and a single drop of tear removes the pluses (+) and minuses (-) from the calculations and they declare the other party as the winner. Constantly losing is no fun so many a times they do crazy things to prove themselves as the winner but you know that men never learn from their mistakes. This wrong perception about the strength is one big problem. But trust me this problem is the best spice in the recipe of the marriage. That keeps it lively and ever growing. 

Two entities thinking themselves as one entity is the biggest mistake that they make. It goes well till their path go parallel but when things go little different the man in the relationship expects the woman to adjust so that they can remain as a single entity. This is no fun to adjust and it never happens naturally. If adjustment happens smoothly it may be because the bondage is very strong but at any moment the bondage weakens these adjustments create big problems for both of them. And in every relationship bondage weakens time to time and comes back normal as well. So it is important to realize that these two people are different with different life but have a common agenda to make each other happy and give them company at every situation. The physical strength of the man and the mental strength of woman can make the pair strong. The spontaneity of the woman and patience of the man can make them move steadily. The logical approach of the man and perceptional approach of  woman will make them take right but careful decisions.

But as far as goal in life, living style and belief is concerned they both are two different entities and should be allowed to follow their own path. No party should pass judgment about the other’s belief, way of living and goal in life whether personal or professional.

But is it possible? when two live together as one personal life, how can they have two different personal goals.

Here comes the real fun of married life. Both the entities have to find a common interest in their two different goals and approach it as a team. Ideally the woman in the team should be given the responsibility to lead the team and find the common ground and assign responsibilities to make it a success. This is because men are better followers and women are natural leaders. I guess that might be the reason in old Bharat it used to be women-centric family system. Women take the decisions and men protect as well as execute  the decisions. Men also had the responsibility to protect the women. I guess that is the reason Bharat prospered most during that age. So for a prosperous family it needs a good family system implemented and executed.

Attachments create sorrow and detachment gives you happiness. Marriage results in happiness as well as sorrow depending on what you are attaching to. If you are attaching to your own success, ego, pain and pleasure then it will result in sorrow. But if your attachment is with your partners success, ego, pain and pleasure then it will give happiness. But at times we get selfish and find it difficult to look beyond ourselves and we think it’s the marriage which is giving us pain. This is not your fault, it’s how we are made naturally. But if you put sincere effort and look beyond yourself, you will find happiness all around. But some practice this for sometime and then they see their partner is not doing so. So the question comes, why should I think about him/her always? He/She should think the same way as well. But trust me this thought will not help you anyway other than giving sorrow to yourself and your partner. This is like meditation, do not let environmental factors affect your dhyana.

So you can be happy and married as well. Did I say this wrong?

Namaste!!!

– Stray Dog

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